I'm looking forward to going back which suprises me. ^_^
Persuasion and sweet-talking had won me over. Ha Ha.
I'll try to turn into a new leaf next year.
Yes, alot of things has changed my mind about certain things
So many things that I am looking forward too.
I hope it will come true though.
Christmas is a time of giving and sharing.
That has always been said.
I think I'll be giving some smiles and patiences this christmas.
Hopefully.
Oh, and giving around 400++ christmas songs. LOL
But anyways, I'm leaving in a few more days, two actually.
It's been a few months since I stepped into a plane.
Will I get plane-sickness? (I wonder)
My aim of losing weight had gone down the toilet bowl.
Blame it on the endless buffets lunches and also restaurant dinner that I was treated to and also a wedding dinner.
Can't resist food that isn't paid by me. HaH. Damn
I'm going to be dead-meat when I go back since I didnt loose any weight.
I did lose at first but since the work has started, it's coming back to me.
Finally.
I change my course.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

A few weeks ago, my holiday has officially started and friends packed their bags to spend their 3 months holiday with their families. Me? I opted to stay here to do my industrial training for the first 2 months and then spend the 3rd month home. I know that there's a number of people who are not happy with my decision but it was made ages ago and it's not that simple to change it to what I want or what they want.

In September, I sent in my application to do industrial training to both sides and it turned out the way I wanted. All this happened before the breakdown. It would be rude to suddenly back-out from the training and I have no idea on how to explain my actions to them if I really didn't go for the training.

I so badly want to explain to my siblings and relatives on why I am still going for the training eventhough I'm wanting to change course but words can't seem to form the sentences to come out from my mouth. I tried to explain but it seems that all has failed. They do not understand what I am going through, do they? If they do, then why are they angry? How could a 2 months training pissed them so much? It's not like I'm going on a major holiday or going on a shopping spree.

This is about letting go. Yes, that would be an appropriate word. Letting go the dream that I once had and that is slowly dying. It's still there but it's just there. It's not going anywhere. I used to have huge dreams. Some unimaginable. KLCC No.2 *chuckles* but it's gone. Now what's left is just the appreciation towards the growth of structure. Nothing huge.

Knowing that by changing course, this would be my last chance to expose myself to the field I spent so many years with, my last chance to be really involved in the work field that I had earlier dreamed of being in but slowly dreaded due to the lost of an important reason why I took this course in the first place. After what had happened, all these lost its meaning. Why would I want to go to the site if he is not there to share it with me? It's not like there's anyone else left who could experience and appreciate what I go through when I'm on site.

I doubt my sibling would understand the feeling I have to be at the site, to see buildings get build from scratch to the finishing touches. I can imagine them just saying, "OH" and that's about it. To hear that would be like winning 1st price in a race and then got the 'Oh that's nice' comment. A stab in the heart.

I have no idea on how to reply my mum's email. She asked me how the training was. I can't really find the word to explain it but overall it was fun because it's work. I loafed around the site office, met some new faces, saw some old faces, read some drawings, learn about others experience in the field, saw them laying brickwork first-hand, climbed up the stairs of an unfinished 4 storey high building, and it was such a beautiful view from above.

Not anyone could go up the stairs of tall building which is still under construction. This is one reason why I want training. My forehead was saved by the safety helmet because I bumped into one of the framework. At that moment, deep down in my heart, I so desperately want to find a saw and cut that stupid piece of wood away from my sight. *grins*

Maybe I still want to be in this field but not in engineering. *clueless*....*really clueless*.

Sitting with all the uncles at the canteen shade having lunch under the hot weather and hearing them talk and joked. Imagining daddy was amongst them and talking about projects and construction politics. Somehow, it's painful but in another way it felt so calm. It's felt like I've been going to the site for years eventhough this is my first day.

One thing that was really difficult was the language barrier, for all of them speak chinese and I couldn't join them much in conversation but the jokes was funny. I was more of a listener than a speaker. Maybe there'll be some improvement tomorrow(^o^)

Another reason to stay back is that while I'm on training, I hope to be able to lose some weight in time for Chinese New Year. I know I won't be able to lose any weight if I had gone back because of all the food I desperately miss there and the companionship. My brothers should be having their holidays now so my sister would still have company. It's not like my presence would do any difference. I think I just need time to reflect to what I want and what I need to do. Going back too soon would have me distracted from thinking what is really important to me. I know family is important. They have always been important to me eventhough I failed to show or acknowledge it. But the fact still remains, I will still choose family over anything else it I had to choose.

I've written too much today. Maybe I'll write again tomorrow.