I woke up feeling better. I fell in love with Narnia's OST which I got from Smiling-Buddha. I missed songs like this. I missed going to church to sing my lungs out. I can't make myself to go though. I'm totally f***ed up already. Have I ever say that I was honestly happy? Then why am I always sad. Why am I always lonely? And when I'm surrounded by people and friends, I'll be laughing and smiling but inside, I'm slowly breaking into pieces knowing that this won't last forever. The feeling will be gone when I get home and I'm alone again. I love being around people but at the same time paranoid of all the things happening in the surroundings. I can't explain what I'm really feeling right now. I can't even tell what is really happening to me. I just know that I have lost my self in this pretense for so long that I no longer know the real me. Sometimes, help is not enough.