It's been almost a week since I've started coughing and still I am in this condition. No, I will not give up my cancer-sticks just because the throat needs time to recover. Exams have started but instead I'm now cleaning up my room. I need to leave this place as soon as I possibly can. It's killing me slowly inside. Though I may not be able to see it phycially but yes, I can feel it. It's a feeling one would dread waking up with each day. It's as if the colors of the world that rotates around me has become dull. Nights of coughing has not given me much sleep and craving for oily food made things worse for the throat. I hope I'll be voiceless soon so that I won't have to spend my saliva explaining my conditions and avoiding advices to stop smoking.




I need a long, very long break from all this. I need to get away from the city, the crowd, the phonecalls, the people especially. I need. It is not I want. It is what I need.

"Being born a woman is my awful tragedy. From the moment I was conceived I was doomed to sprout breasts and ovaries rather than penis and scrotum; to have my whole circle of action, thought and feeling rigidly circumscribed by my inescapable feminity. Yes, my consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, bar room regulars- to be a part of a scene, anonomous, listening, recording - all is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night..." - The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

PS: Where's my mum when u need her. T_____T